Anyone who knows me well or who has at least read my book, they’re familiar with the fact that I do believe that the dead can communicate with the living and vice versa. My belief is based on my own unexpected experiences immediately after my husband had passed away. There were actually, once I became aware of what was occurring around me, several cluster events in the very first two years. They were unexpected, sometimes frightening, reassuring and/or comforting.
I also believe that through these events we can develop a new relationship with a spouse and even get answers to lingering questions that remain with a widow or widower. Once you realize that you’re experiencing what I call something supernatural, after the initial shock, you can begin to talk to their spirit as if they were still alive. You’ll find that this practice might actually assist with your grieving process as it becomes a tangible outlet for your anxiety and sorrow. You’re not just holding in your feelings but you’re giving them a voice. You may soon hear, find or see answers to lingering questions coming to you as a sudden thought or in a dream. You might even stumble across a tangible item or piece of information that resolves a gnawing question or brings closure to issues that may have been causing one anger, angst, or regret.
As the years have passed since my Chuck has been gone, I no longer have these experiences on a regular basis. I do believe that for myself whatever signs Chuck sent me in the early days after his death, the purpose was to bring me comfort as his spirit made it’s way onto it’s new world and I forged a new path here on my own. Once I recognized these unusual occurrences as something more than routine, I was very reluctant to share what I was experiencing with others, except with a close chosen few. Actually, the first time I revealed my experiences was in a chapter in my book, Brave in a New World: A Guide to Grieving the Loss of a Spouse , called The Supernatural.
This new reality in my new world did not only mean I had to adapt to a new way of being but I also had to navigate another realm, one that seemed on the precipice of life, while I made sure I wouldn’t be engulfed in it.
I’ve found that in recent years, particularly as people begin to lose loved ones, folks are more open to the possibility of communing or receiving messages from the dead. Once, I had a doctor, after I had completed a visit, turn to me and ask, “So, have you had any apparitions from your husband?” I’m asked, on occasion, if I’ve received signs from my husband. I even recall aunts and my grandmother discussing how they’d been visited by brothers, sisters and parents. I was young and just thought this was “crazy talk”, but now I find that people do not summarily dismiss this possibility and are even eager to share their own experiences with me. So I conclude that when it comes to signs from those who have passed onto another place, anything is possible as long as one is open to that possibility. Some are not and that is fine.
This all brings me to this Mother’s Day 2020. When my son was born he was the beautiful boy with the deep dark pools for eyes. So many people saw him as an old soul who might have even been here before. At the time of his birth a couple of people said to me, “We know you wanted a girl but God sent you a son. He was sent here to help you, you’ll see.” I’ve never forgotten those words and my son has proven them to be true. He is the reason that I am a mother and a proud one at that. As I continue to live each day during this odd, surreal COVID time, I’m managing to feel pretty okay, though not without an occasional bout of anxiety.
I’m pretty transparent about my feelings, as I don’t see the need to be the stalwart, the strong one with the the stiff upper lip. This is a scary time and although I have a strong faith, I still can feel vulnerable and admit it. I meditate, work on writing projects and I have a myriad of house projects to keep me distracted. One of my projects that I have going, is to weed out some books from my library. This past week , as I pulled out a few from a shelf, out fell a card, a Mother’s Day card, with a beautiful pop up flower in the center bearing Chuck’s signature. I have no idea how it got there or where it came from. It seemed familiar, but to have it appear now, when the world we live in is going through the worst of times, where everything seems so tentative and fragile, was a comfort in the midst of chaos. At this time when life seems interrupted and the future uncertain, it is exactly what my soul needed, craved really, a sign of reassurance and Chuck did not disappoint. If he were alive, he would have been the protective loving reassuring person I’d married and whom I miss, not always, but at this moment in time. Thus, this sign, allowed me to know that he was still near. He’d been quiet for years, but sent a sign when I needed it most. It assured me that I am not alone and that no matter the outcome all will be well.
To my widowed friends I say that in the sacred busy-ness of your day, whether, purging ,organizing, reading, exercising, you may find yourself feeling anxious or uncertain about what the future may hold. There’s also this stark reality that your partner is no longer here to accompany you on this journey. I suggest you get quiet, reach out by praying, meditating and talking to them, and see what the universe gives you back. It will always give you back what you need even if you don’t know in what form that will be. For me it was this beautiful Mother’s Day card five days before Mother’s Day in this uncertain time. That for me, was the reassurance that someone was looking out for me, practicing Divine Social Distancing, along with my son Karim. This allowed me to know that whatever the future holds all will be fine with me….and you.
To find out more about how you can heal after loss read Brave in a New World:A Guide to Grieving the Loss of a Spouse available on Amazon http://tinyurl.com/jnjs5fu