I write often about striving to reach higher ground. Many people subscribe to the philosophy that we live, life is hard, life isn’t fair, and then we die. Live and then die? We might as well give up before we start. I believe that there must be a point to our lives, and in this endeavor, all lives matter. It is the manner in which we live, think and handle the tough times (that will surely come our way) that determine whether we remain stuck on the ground or rise up above it and live the lives we are meant to live.
I often hear people say that all people grieve differently; that is true and should be as we are not programmed robots and grieving consists of various complex stages sometimes happening all at once.The way that we grieve conforms to each individual who grieves. It’s a personal thing subject to the complex emotions and reactions of each individual who faces loss. However, this is where intention plays a huge part in how we move through the grief journey.
Do we wish to grieve forever or do we want to be able to move our lives forward at some?
In the beginning of my mourning period I didn’t know how long my depression would last.It crept up on me and before I knew it I was on a downward spiral. I felt sure it was my new normal, as I never imagined feeling any other way ever again. I grappled with anxiety, melancholy, deep sadness, tears and fear and felt as though I couldn’t get a handle on the complicated and painful feelings that were flooding through me everyday, 24/7. But after many months of dealing with the anguish and the pain, I not only noticed that I was beginning to feel better, but I also was aware that I was not going to be my old self ever again.
Having experienced an illness and the death of someone I loved so up close and personal changed me. I began to have a new perspective on my life, the world and the events that had shaped my life. I no longer took anything for granted and began to understand that one’s life experiences have a deeper meaning to them than we think. I became acutely aware of myself and the whole of my life up until that point, and set aside time to just explore the events of my life, while attempting to figure out what my purpose truly was. I was no longer living an ordinary life, and I began to seek a higher purpose as I came to the realization that this life, and everyone’s life has meaning no matter how big or how small.
Just like my husband who left Earth, and entered a higher plane, my grief experience led me through a new door through which I walked and began to ascend higher. My life became illuminated with this new perspective and I gained insights that I did not have before. After I watched my husband pass away, I learned so much more beyond just how fragile this life is. I had become witness to a sacred moment meant to enlarge me, meant to allow me to understand more and to be more. Suddenly alone, I had to muster up courage and become brave, and as I did so I would later be able to understand this period of tragic loss as an opportunity for my own personal growth. All the questions I had were eventually answered and I was able to move beyond death’s door.
The tragic circumstances of our lives are meant to lead us higher, to that place that teaches us lessons and gives us opportunities for growth. Losses are not only a part of life but necessary, as the various seasons of our lives evolve, come to an end and begin anew. I’ve learned that life should not be a haphazard experience. We should not just live and then die. There is meaning in all of our experiences, the good and the bad, and these events of our lives are essential for our growth, wisdom, and change. After we lose a loved one all that we experience as a result is meant to transform us, those who are left.We often hear people say that change is hard, and sadly many people remain unchanged throughout their lives, blaming others for their circumstances or sticking to the belief that life is meant to be tough.
We must take the time to go from the initial shock of grief and eventually move onto another level of understanding as we begin to examine the deeper meaning of the loss. As we allow ourselves to evolve, we are also healing. We are evolving spiritually during these times and if we give ourselves permission to feel and heal we will discover that we have not only allowed light to enter our souls, but we have moved our lives forward, upward, empowered and strengthened by the experience, as we move onto higher ground.
To find out more about how you can heal after loss read Brave in a New World:A Guide to Grieving the Loss of a Spouse available on Amazon http://tinyurl.com/jnjs5fu