I’ve had a lot of time since my husband Chuck passed away to think about how I ended up in this place. I really wanted to be able to make my way in this new world that I was thrust into although, initially, I felt alone,vulnerable and uncertain of the path ahead.
It was in the mornings, before the start of my day, that I would sit and talk to God, meditate, and just be silent. Often I reflected on my whole life, I would think about the choices I have made, my successes and my failures, and the paths I’ve chosen that have led me to become a “widow”. I do believe that we play a great part in everything that happens in our lives. We are the stars of own stories. If our lives were a chapter book we could go back and see how from the very first chapter there have been a succession of events that lead up to the the current chapter entitled My Life Now. This is how I view my life and it has helped me to make sense of everything.
I believe that my husband and I were on a journey together, but we still had our individual purpose and road to follow, our own destinies. True, we were together “ ’til death do us part” but when Chuck died that was his destiny fulfilled, I, on the other hand, was still on course. One of the initial responses when a spouse dies is anger. I became angry for a while but eventually as I began to recover from the loss I realized that my anger was falling on deaf ears. Could Chuck do anything about my anger;could God? I could choose to remain angry and sad or begin to create a new life for myself.
I soon realized that my husband would not want me to waste the rest of my life being angry or feeling sad. I imagined that he was sorry he had to “leave me” but it was his time. He would want me to go on and live a full and happy life as I move toward the fulfillment of my own destiny.
It was almost a year and a half after Chuck’s death that I became inspired to write Brave as I sat on the beach in Easthampton,Long Island, hoping it would become a template for the grieving.A dear friend suggested to me that this book should be read even before the inevitabilty and unpredictabilty of life unfolds.I agree, it’s a book for all as we all will one day experience some loss in our lives.
The road I’ve travelled has led me here. Turning lemons into lemonade with a splash of vodka.I now firmly believe I am fulfilling my destiny.